Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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