um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
