you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
