oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
