If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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