well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
