Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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