We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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