I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
