Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
