just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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