what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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