I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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