I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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