Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
