im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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