Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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