youre lurking in front of me
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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