Will you blow on my dice?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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