tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
