You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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