How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think I died a long time ago.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
