yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
