Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
