You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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