I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
