I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
