The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
