Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
