hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize