i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
