Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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