did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
