a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize