Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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