Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
