I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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