I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
