I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
