sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so explain again why im purple
no
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
