he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize