She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
