Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Enjoy the penises
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
