Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
