I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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