If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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