The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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