I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
