I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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