He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
