Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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