Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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