I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
