I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
