My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
