i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
