i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
