Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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