hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
