i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
