people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
