Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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