xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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