I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
a search helicopter?!
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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