xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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