I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
