I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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