I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
