Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
