Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
