I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
