i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize