I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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