She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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