woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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