Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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