it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
