Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
